This one just had Poor Manâ€™s written all over it: Poor Manâ€™s cast, effects, director, script, everything. And G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra was almost in sequel mode the whole time, acting as if it was a big hit sequel.
Problem 1: Bad science. The idea is the G.I. Joe is actually a squad of elite fighters, with all of Qâ€™s wonderful toys to give them uber fightinâ€™ skills. Fine.
Bad execution. But then Rachel Nichols (Alias, Charlie Wilsonâ€™s War) should not have any skills while on a run-of-the-mill high-jacked motorcycle.
Problem 2: Formulaic characters. A Wayans as â€œfunnyâ€ black sidekick; The Marine as â€œhandsomeâ€ leading man with a past and a girl; a badass hot chick (finally saw Sienna Miller, in well, anything) in tight pleather doing evil things were just a few of the stereotypical action movie players.
Bad execution. The formula only works when the script and the actors can deliver the goods, make us care about these people. Not even close.
I will stop there as there as I could on and on: bad script, jokes fell flat, effects were weak, plotting was obvious with these flashbacks to everyoneâ€™s deep, dark past as if we knew these people and gave a shit.
Ooohh.. dueling ninja warriors only the bad guy wears white, the good guy is in all black. To type that G.I. Joe was predictable does not even cover it.
Final Snark: Poor Manâ€™s version of Eau du Michael Bay, now on clearance at Big Lots.