So now it is back to crap movies = shortish review. And damn, Summer of 2009 is like 0 for sequels and counting. Ssheeesh.

A la Pirates of the Caribbean (Curse of the Black Pearl, the best one), the first Transformers was good enough to surprise a lot of people. Basically it was an entertaining popcorn-guy-action flick that, considering it was based on TOYS, was Surprise! actually watchable. Not so with the second.

Returning for the nightmare are Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, et al. including Shia’s parents, who waste lots of screen time and provide a few of the decent laughs. Pity for them.

Even more chaotic, half-assed, sexist, misogynistic, racist, xenophobic…. well, let’s just say even more Michael Bay that the first movie, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is clear proof there is too much of a “good” thing. There are just too many explosions, too much noise, too many subplots too much running time and too many Transformers.

I had a hard enough time telling the good guys (Autobots) from the bad (Decepticons) in the first Transformers, but this was a bit ridiculous. Almost no point in watching, cause it was a mish mash of CGI that was overkill, and the exposition was not up to the challenge of helping a viewer out.

• A new big bad, Megatron’s puppet master The Fallen
• A NON-comedy duo of Autobots (good guys) who I shall dub Jar Jar and Binks. Oy.
• New old and old new and T3 and pet Transformers

The story is a bowl of spaghetti that someone decided to test for doneness by tossing the whole thing on the wall; anything that stuck got used. Which leads to Transformers 2 being everything from X-Files to Terminator to National Treasure. Three tastes that taste like crap together. Worse yet, the curse of LaBeouf makes it really jump of the rails at the end, go a little Indiana Jones 4 on our asses. Lame.

I like action, I enjoy mindless, blow ’em up fun; hell I watch nonsensical, implausible terror porn, but this was too much to take. Should have just seen Star Trek again.

Final Snark: I need an aromatherapy bath and (ew..yikes) a chick flick antidote.

Related articles

• Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009) (colombocritic.com)