Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Movies and Television

So now it is back to crap movies = shortish review. And damn, Summer of 2009 is like 0 for sequels and counting. Ssheeesh.

A la Pirates of the Caribbean (Curse of the Black Pearl, the best one), the first Transformers was good enough to surprise a lot of people. Basically it was an entertaining popcorn-guy-action flick that, considering it was based on TOYS, was Surprise! actually watchable. Not so with the second.

Optimus Prime looming over Sam, as he should. © 2009 Paramount/DreamWorks

Returning for the nightmare are Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, et al. including Shia’s parents, who waste lots of screen time and provide a few of the decent laughs. Pity for them.

Even more chaotic, half-assed, sexist, misogynistic, racist, xenophobic…. well, let’s just say even more Michael Bay that the first movie, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is clear proof there is too much of a “good” thing. There are just too many explosions, too much noise, too many subplots too much running time and too many Transformers.

I had a hard enough time telling the good guys (Autobots) from the bad (Decepticons) in the first Transformers, but this was a bit ridiculous. Almost no point in watching, cause it was a mish mash of CGI that was overkill, and the exposition was not up to the challenge of helping a viewer out.

Josh Duhamel rocks a hot soldier. © 2011 Paramount/DreamWorks
Added to the mix:
  • A new big bad, Megatron’s puppet master The Fallen
  • A NON-comedy duo of Autobots (good guys) who I shall dub Jar Jar and Binks. Oy.
  • New old and old new and T3 and pet Transformers

The story is a bowl of spaghetti that someone decided to test for doneness by tossing the whole thing on the wall; anything that stuck got used. Which leads to Transformers 2 being everything from X-Files to Terminator to National Treasure. Three tastes that taste like crap together. Worse yet, the curse of LaBeouf makes it really jump of the rails at the end, go a little Indiana Jones 4 on our asses. Lame.

I like action, I enjoy mindless, blow ’em up fun; hell I watch nonsensical, implausible terror porn, but this was too much to take. Should have just seen Star Trek again.

Final Snark: I need an aromatherapy bath and (ew..yikes) a chick flick antidote.

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