This won’t take too long. Man Luke Wilson is looking rough these days. He used to be almost hot. WTF? And yet he still gets this leading-man type gig. Go figure.

This is the kind of lame, cheese-ball shit that looks so made for TV. And yet … My Super Ex-Girlfriend a real movie. With Uma Thurman, she of the excellent Kill Bill series, no less. She plays a superhero who meets, mates, and then messes with Wilson.

Luke, after realizing that while yeah, she’s hot, and Uma, and “Super” and all, she’s still packing a full load of crazy, so he decides to dump her.

Then Uma rocks the promo scenes, using (misusing? abusing?) her superpowers to get revenge on her ex – throwing a shark at him, trashing his car (which really doesn’t seem all that “super;” mere mortals can do that).

It’s supposed to seem funny, a la First Wives Club, but falls flat. Probably because the G-girl character is too needy to like, too crazy to empathize with, and just too lacking for a superhero.

We like our ber heroes all noble and self-sacrificing, with perhaps a touch of sad, dysfunctional back-story; not desperate, wiggy and majorly in need of about 14 different kinds of happy drugs.

And that is the whole movie. OK, there’s this stupid B-plot that revolves around her old friend-slash-current nemesis played by Eddie Izzard; and one about Luke’s co-worker/wanna-be sexual harassment victim, played by that Scary Movie girl. The only bright spot, besides Thurman, is Rainn Wilson (The Office, Sahara) who as Wilson’s needy, snarky sidekick gets almost all of the film’s “best” lines.

There’s this crappy, anti-climax of an ending that somehow manages to bring together and wrap-up all these silly little plots in one Velveeta-colored bow. Thurman, who somehow manages to show comedic chops with this fluff, deserves better. Meh.

Final Snark: Tepid mess lacking humor, action, characters, anything really worth watching.