Transformers 3: Dark Side of Michael Bay

Movies and Television

Like seriously, dude has ISSUES. Think he’s got a lifetime subscriptions:

By far the best performances were by the robots. Transformers 3 © 2011 Paramount Studios

Misogynist Monthly

Women have no place except for ogling, mockery. The best he’s ever done was what, Gabriel Union’s DEA agent or the girl with the accent, spike heels and wow a brain in the first Transformers.

This time it’s a funny looking blonde chick with a hot body replacing the better (yes, let THAT shit soak in) Megan Fox who of course, was the bad girl and off camera, dumped Shia LeBouef. As she should. What a waste of OSCAR WINNER Frances McDormand.

Whites Weekly

Minorities, other races and ethnicities are allowed to voice the bad guys, do the grunt work, maybe some ‘gags’ and what else? Die.

Homosexual Repression Reader

He recycled the ‘caught in the bathroom stall’ gay misunderstandings and a ton of other “jokes” from his other movies, including Transformers 2.

MEN like Guns, Cars, Explosions! (online edition)

Gotta admit, he's easy on the eyes. © 2011 Paramount Pictures

Gun porn, explosions, macho macho men, car chases, and explosions because that’s what ‘real’ men are like.  The least ‘manly’ men are either 1) the bad guy McSmarmy who easily loses the slap fight to 2) the good guy, our whiney geek ‘hero’ who does nothing to bitch about how he twice ‘saved the world.’ Ass. At least Josh Duhamel is hot.

Dear Sam: Get the fuck over yourself.

Sam, STFU. Geeks like you don’t get cool jobs just because your parents spoil you with an overpriced education, you don’t get to bang the hot chick because you’re a crybaby little shit.

You are not a hero. You saved Optimus in T1 via dumb luck so HE could save the world; lather, rinse, repeat. In fact in Transformers 2 the only reason you saved him was because of your WHINE I WANT A NORMAL LIFE bitching, you got him dead. Then in classic Smallville fashion, DESTINY decided to down 23 rum and cokes and give you the ‘hero’ title on a fucking mantle. Again, some more. Shut. Up.

Blah blah this was loud, bright, a total waste of 3D – like seriously, fucking Avatar was 1,000 times better in terms of the 3D aspect of the F/X.

Final snark: I don’t mind a mindless, popcorn testosterone fest once in a while, but damn this sucked.

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